Standing up to peer pressure is one of the greatest challenges that children face. Many are unable to stand up to the challenge and are led into participating in risky or even illegal activities. Help your child deal with peer pressures by doing the following:
1. Strengthen the bond with your child. He will be more likely to respect your views and values and better able to resist peer pressure if he has a good relationship with you and feels you are a source of support. This bond needs to be nurtured long before your child's teenage years.
2. Promote your child's self-esteem. Children who are confident and have positive self-worth are more likely to pursue friendships with children who are good role models and better able to resist negative peer pressure. Find opportunities to boost your child's self-esteem and enjoy success by involving him in activities that capitalize on his strengths and interests. And, of course, praise him for things he does well at home.
3. Set a good example. Your child is a keen observer of what you do and may learn more from what he sees than what he hears. If he sees that you are constantly striving to keep up with other parents, he will likely do the same with his peers. If he sees you drinking and smoking, he is less likely to resist engaging in these behaviors. If you do drink or smoke, giving it up will make a vivid impression on him.
4. Talk with your child about peer pressure. Let your child know that you understand how hard it can be at his age to do things that make him stand out. Tell him that his peers may respect his decision not to join them in an activity even though they may not express it, and that some may even admire his courage in resisting what they could not. Help him understand that a friend who is pressuring him to do something that may be harmful is not much of a friend. Appeal to his desire for autonomy by encouraging him not to let others manipulate or make decisions for him.
5. Avoid overreacting when talking about peer issues. Your child may tell you things that may make your jaw drop. If you overreact, you will discourage him from talking with you about these issues again. At the same time use these teachable moments to introduce some cautions without moralizing or lecturing. Although it may seem as though he is dismissing what you are saying, he will hear you.
6. Choose your battles carefully. Don't make an issue out of your child's wanting to wear the same clothes as his friends or adopt a trendy hairstyle. Make your stand on high-risk peer behavior. Battling your child constantly over minor issues may drive your child toward peers who are similarly alienated from their parents. Not sweating the small stuff will enable you to be more effective when you challenge him on the larger issues.
7. Help your child develop good decision-making skills. If he can learn to trust his own instincts when making decisions, he will be less likely to let others make decisions for him. Encourage him to think through the possible consequences of the decision he is facing, including whether it may cause him harm. Let him know that giving in to the pressure now may make life harder for him later on.
8. Help your child develop responses to peers. Help him figure out what to say to peers who are pressuring him to participate in high-risk activities. Suggest responses that are short and simple and that he can say comfortably. If he is receptive, role-play with him or encourage him to practice in front of a mirror.
9. Get to know your child's friends. Make a point of encouraging your child to invite his friends home. Spend some time with them and assess whether they are positive influences.
10. Don't hesitate to set limits for your child. Your willingness to say no to him sets a good example and may help give him the courage to say no to a peer when faced with a potentially harmful situation.
You can read this full article from http://www.freearticles.com/article/10-Ways-You-Can-Help-Your-Child-Cope-With-Peer-Pressure/668
Control Your Child Fear
There are various factors that can create fear and most people don't realize that fear itself is something that is totally internal to their own mind. It is not a real physical thing, you can't point to something and say, "That over there is fear, watch out or you'll trip over it". It is a product of our subconscious reactions to certain stimuli that is internal to ourselves, although it can certainly feel real enough when it creeps up on you. The good news is that since it is a by-product of our reactions to things, you have a number of options to deal with it or even remove it entirely. Once you are aware of the causes, you can control it and work with it and eventually remove it as a problem in your life.
Rudy Giuliani once said: Courage is not the absence of fear; rather it is the management of fear.
Fear is something that you can manage, control and in some cases remove entirely. I will point out though that some fears serve a useful purpose, for instance the fear of fire stops us putting our hand in the fire, the fear of getting run over stops us from running across a busy freeway. I am sure you can think of some other examples of where fear is a good thing to have, so common sense should prevail in your efforts to remove fear from your life.
When your fear level goes up your ability to think rationally trends downward to the point where you can act in ways inappropriate to the situation. Of course being afraid doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you since everyone feels afraid of a wide variety of things, but when fear takes over your life or becomes prevalent in situations where it isn't appropriate that is where you should take control. Learning to be in control of yourself is an important skill to learn and will serve you well all your life.
A lot of fears can be created by what we are thinking and the way we are thinking. You do have a choice about your thoughts since it's your brain and you can be in control of it. As I said earlier, fear can be useful and you can use it when you decide to use it and not when the subconscious chooses. If you walk around all day concentrating on your fears you are reinforcing those fears to yourself and is something to be aware of.
As I mentioned, sometimes fear can also help us to make the 'correct choices' for various situations since if we didn't fear the bad choices there would be no reason to stop choosing them. The important point though is to make a conscious decision about whether to be fearful in a situation or to allow the rational mind to make a choice amongst the possible solutions. Common sense will dictate your reaction. For example, if the reason you feel afraid is because of danger, get out of that situation as quickly as you can. Your safety is important, never neglect that.
To begin to control the fear you will need to examine it and see what it is that frightens you i.e. what component causes you to react in a fearful manner? Naturally when it happens, unless you are practiced at this, it will be difficult to examine your thoughts since you will have a mix of fear induced chemicals running through your body. Examining your thoughts as soon as possible after the event is necessary though. What is your fear and what aspect of your fear are you afraid of? What is it that frightens you the most? These are important questions you should ask yourself.
Sometimes our fears are rooted in something that has happened in our past. An event happened and our brains learned to be afraid of something. If this is so, then you need to find out what the event in the past was and examine it as rationally as you can. Is the fear even real or is it imagined? Our subconscious minds often can't recognize an event that is real from an event that was imagined or programmed into us by ourselves or someone else. For example, a parent can unknowingly program a child to be afraid of a range of things, either unwittingly or because the parent is afraid and through showing this fear to the child, transfers that fear. Who knows how many generations this fear can be transferred or in what manner. Try to understand where the fear comes from and that will be a major step towards regaining control of the fear.
Sometimes the fear is about something that is unlikely to happen and yet our brains tell us that it will and then the fear builds up inside of us. Examine the event and work out how unlikely it is to affect you. This occurs time and again and is most noticeable with the media and it's portrayal of events. They tend to focus on the negative images and reinforce our fears by retelling tragic events over and over again. The reason they do this is the business they are in, a business that needs to have people watching their programs and staying tuned so that their sponsors or advertisers have the opportunity to sell their wares. I have found that a lot of people aren't aware of the biases the media have when they portray a story although it's easy enough to watch out for once you are aware of it.
To control the fear you can do the following.
1. Do whatever is needed to prepare yourself for your fear. Often preparing for something that is fearful will help you to gain control over it since you are ready and able to handle it better.
2. Is there a way to desensitize yourself to your fear? Will repetition of the event make the fear go away?
3. Teach yourself to enjoy the task if it's sensible to do so. This can be done through using an assortment of positive reinforcement techniques. Repeating to yourself that the task is good for you, or reinforcing for yourself the benefits that facing the fear will bring. (This and No 1 are good for public speaking.)
4. Train yourself to acknowledge the fear and accept it for what it is, simply your mind telling your body that something concerns it. Repeatedly telling yourself that you are no longer concerned about it and not to be afraid will help you to believe.
Always be kind to yourself. Fear happens to everyone and you can choose to work with it and nullify its effects rather than let it take control. Don't be frustrated with yourself if you don't see the effects immediately since it can take time to resolve.
Fear can be controlled. Remove it's power to affect you and you remove the fear itself. Having the self-confidence to be able to handle situations will help you with other events as well. You will build up an ability to cope that you didn't know you had.
Rudy Giuliani once said: Courage is not the absence of fear; rather it is the management of fear.
Fear is something that you can manage, control and in some cases remove entirely. I will point out though that some fears serve a useful purpose, for instance the fear of fire stops us putting our hand in the fire, the fear of getting run over stops us from running across a busy freeway. I am sure you can think of some other examples of where fear is a good thing to have, so common sense should prevail in your efforts to remove fear from your life.
When your fear level goes up your ability to think rationally trends downward to the point where you can act in ways inappropriate to the situation. Of course being afraid doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you since everyone feels afraid of a wide variety of things, but when fear takes over your life or becomes prevalent in situations where it isn't appropriate that is where you should take control. Learning to be in control of yourself is an important skill to learn and will serve you well all your life.
A lot of fears can be created by what we are thinking and the way we are thinking. You do have a choice about your thoughts since it's your brain and you can be in control of it. As I said earlier, fear can be useful and you can use it when you decide to use it and not when the subconscious chooses. If you walk around all day concentrating on your fears you are reinforcing those fears to yourself and is something to be aware of.
As I mentioned, sometimes fear can also help us to make the 'correct choices' for various situations since if we didn't fear the bad choices there would be no reason to stop choosing them. The important point though is to make a conscious decision about whether to be fearful in a situation or to allow the rational mind to make a choice amongst the possible solutions. Common sense will dictate your reaction. For example, if the reason you feel afraid is because of danger, get out of that situation as quickly as you can. Your safety is important, never neglect that.
To begin to control the fear you will need to examine it and see what it is that frightens you i.e. what component causes you to react in a fearful manner? Naturally when it happens, unless you are practiced at this, it will be difficult to examine your thoughts since you will have a mix of fear induced chemicals running through your body. Examining your thoughts as soon as possible after the event is necessary though. What is your fear and what aspect of your fear are you afraid of? What is it that frightens you the most? These are important questions you should ask yourself.
Sometimes our fears are rooted in something that has happened in our past. An event happened and our brains learned to be afraid of something. If this is so, then you need to find out what the event in the past was and examine it as rationally as you can. Is the fear even real or is it imagined? Our subconscious minds often can't recognize an event that is real from an event that was imagined or programmed into us by ourselves or someone else. For example, a parent can unknowingly program a child to be afraid of a range of things, either unwittingly or because the parent is afraid and through showing this fear to the child, transfers that fear. Who knows how many generations this fear can be transferred or in what manner. Try to understand where the fear comes from and that will be a major step towards regaining control of the fear.
Sometimes the fear is about something that is unlikely to happen and yet our brains tell us that it will and then the fear builds up inside of us. Examine the event and work out how unlikely it is to affect you. This occurs time and again and is most noticeable with the media and it's portrayal of events. They tend to focus on the negative images and reinforce our fears by retelling tragic events over and over again. The reason they do this is the business they are in, a business that needs to have people watching their programs and staying tuned so that their sponsors or advertisers have the opportunity to sell their wares. I have found that a lot of people aren't aware of the biases the media have when they portray a story although it's easy enough to watch out for once you are aware of it.
To control the fear you can do the following.
1. Do whatever is needed to prepare yourself for your fear. Often preparing for something that is fearful will help you to gain control over it since you are ready and able to handle it better.
2. Is there a way to desensitize yourself to your fear? Will repetition of the event make the fear go away?
3. Teach yourself to enjoy the task if it's sensible to do so. This can be done through using an assortment of positive reinforcement techniques. Repeating to yourself that the task is good for you, or reinforcing for yourself the benefits that facing the fear will bring. (This and No 1 are good for public speaking.)
4. Train yourself to acknowledge the fear and accept it for what it is, simply your mind telling your body that something concerns it. Repeatedly telling yourself that you are no longer concerned about it and not to be afraid will help you to believe.
Always be kind to yourself. Fear happens to everyone and you can choose to work with it and nullify its effects rather than let it take control. Don't be frustrated with yourself if you don't see the effects immediately since it can take time to resolve.
Fear can be controlled. Remove it's power to affect you and you remove the fear itself. Having the self-confidence to be able to handle situations will help you with other events as well. You will build up an ability to cope that you didn't know you had.
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